Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
