i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
