We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
