went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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