Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
