I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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