my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
