i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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