with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
why do cheetos always look like penises
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
