I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You are a genius and a whore.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
