He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize