Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
