Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
