I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
