I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
