Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
