We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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