The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
