also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
3 2 1 whiskey
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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