I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Randomize
