I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
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