He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
