Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
