I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just want to make out with him forever
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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