Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
