Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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