You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize