so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize