Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize