also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
