If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
