You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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