Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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