I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
