She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Randomize
