At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
So many bounce houses so little time
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
