Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
