Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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