It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
