I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize