I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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