Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
