I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My penis needs a shock collar
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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