guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
