I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize