theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
