your room smells of hookers.
And success
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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