Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
