I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
