I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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