Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
