if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
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