Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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