dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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