you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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