so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
