you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
