I hope mine doesn't look like that
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize