i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Randomize
