I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
