i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
there was a trapeze. enough said
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize