my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
