I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
