i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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