I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
