Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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