sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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