Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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